This blog post was written by Debbie Fox, a past CSN Romance Scam Recovery Group participant, and is presented in support of World Romance Scam Prevention Day, a day to raise awareness and drive change for those affected by romance scams.
Introduction: A Personal Perspective on an Urgent Issue
What happens when trust is shattered by someone you believed cared for you? As a victim of romance fraud, I know the gut-wrenching reality of this crime. The day I discovered I’d been defrauded, it felt like the ground vanished beneath me. My heart pounded with disbelief, a pit forming in my stomach. I had entrusted someone with my dreams, hopes, and finances—only to learn it was all a lie.
Although this blog comes from my experience, it isn’t just about me. It’s a call for empathy, understanding, and real change—because no one should have to walk this path alone.
The Aftermath: A Shock Like No Other
Imagine waking up to find your world turned upside down. Your heart aches, not just from losing your savings, but because you’ve lost a part of yourself. You feel exposed, vulnerable, and alone. You’ve withdrawn money to send to someone you believed cared about you, who portrayed a dire situation—only to find it was all a mirage. Then, as if the emotional devastation isn’t enough, you learn your loss may not be “significant” enough for federal agencies to investigate unless it’s part of a larger crime spree. You discover you still owe taxes if you’ve withdrawn funds from retirement accounts—the money that was stolen from you.
Now, try to make sense of this while navigating a complex maze: reporting to financial institutions, dealing with federal, state, and local law enforcement, explaining the situation to family and friends who may not fully understand, and seeking support from mental health services—all while operating from a state of shock and trauma. Meanwhile, you wrestle with intense feelings of guilt, shame, and betrayal—silent wounds that rarely get attention yet cut the deepest.
What Victims Want You to Know
But don’t just take my word for it—let’s hear from other romance scam victims. A recent poll asked past and current participants of CSN’s Romance Scam Recovery Group to share their experiences.
The Emotional Toll
Respondents were asked to rate the emotional toll of being a victim of cybercrime on a scale of 1 to 10 (1=no emotional toll, 10=extreme emotional toll). The average rating was 9.47, suggesting that being a victim of cybercrime had a significant emotional impact for most respondents.
When asked, “What would you like others to understand about the emotional challenges victims face?,” many respondents said that they felt devastation, shame, extreme stress, overwhelm, and guilt in the aftermath of the cybercrime.
Support for Family, Friends, and Community
Respondents were asked to rate how supported they felt by friends, family, or community after sharing their experience on a scale of 1 to 10 (1=not at all supported, 10=extremely supported). The average rating was 5.79, suggesting that most respondents felt they received an average amount of support from their friends, family, and community.
When asked, “What could people do differently to better support victims like you?,” many respondents said that they would feel more supported if their support system listened without judgment and didn’t blame them for what happened.
Reporting and Seeking Justice
Respondents were asked to rate how difficult it was for them to report the crime or seek justice on a scale of 1 to 10 (1= not at all difficult, 10=extremely difficult). The average rating was 6.72, suggesting that reporting the crime was at least somewhat difficult for most respondents.
When asked, “What do you think is most misunderstood about the reporting process for cybercrime?,” many respondents said that they felt blamed and judged by law enforcement. Many also wished that law enforcement was more understanding and supportive of victims, and that they had a more adequate understanding of what a romance scam involves and how devastating the aftermath can be.
Introducing the Magic Wand: Creating Change from the Victims’ Perspective
What if victims could wield a magic wand to reshape their reality and transform the systems around them? Imagine using this wand to break through bureaucratic barriers, remove harmful labels, and create a world where justice is swift, compassionate, and fair. Here’s some ways victims would wave their magic wand to drive change:
1. Eliminating Harmful Labels and Building Compassionate Support for Victims
Victims would use their magic wand to erase the labels often placed on them: “elderly,” “technically unsavvy,” or “lonely,” which often overshadow the true issue: the perpetrator’s actions. These labels and assumptions distract from the crime itself. Everyone is vulnerable in some way, and criminals exploit that vulnerability. The focus should be on the actions of the perpetrators, not the characteristics of the victims.
2. Strengthening Cybercrime Protections
With the magic wand, we could enhance law enforcement authority, allocate more resources for victim support, and enforce stricter regulations on social media platforms. This would not only tackle romance fraud but also strengthen defenses against all cybercrimes.
3. Recognizing Cybercrime as a Whole-of-Society Problem
Romance fraud is one piece of a broader cybercrime problem—a whole-of-society issue that intersects with other devastating crimes like sextortion, pig butchering, phishing, and ransomware. Cybercrime costs society billions, disrupts businesses, erodes trust in digital platforms, and leaves deep emotional scars. With the magic wand, we would attack this global threat with a united, coordinated effort.
Acknowledging Dedication and Fostering Collaboration
To all professionals in this fight—whether in law enforcement, mental health, financial institutions, social media, or victim advocacy—thank you. Your dedication, expertise, and compassion are vital to creating a safer world. You are the first line of defense, the guiding hand in crisis, and the voice for justice and change. Your efforts are deeply valued by those you protect and empower.
As this work continues, it’s essential to ask: Are our actions truly making a difference for victims? Are policies, resources, and tools meeting their needs, or could they be adding to their burden? Rather than assuming, let’s use empathy to see through the eyes of victims.
Let’s keep approaching this challenge together, combining our strengths and insights to protect those most at risk. By working side by side and embracing every perspective, we can drive meaningful change and ensure our efforts truly matter.
Here’s what you can do today:
- Financial Institutions: Review your fraud detection and reporting protocols. Are they victim-centered? Are they easy to navigate?
- Social Media Platforms: Examine your reporting and content moderation tools. Are they sufficient to prevent fake profiles and scams?
- Law Enforcement and Legislators: Push for stronger laws and more robust international cooperation to tackle organized crime rings behind romance fraud and other forms of cybercrime.
- Mental Health and Victim Advocacy Groups: Develop specialized training and resources for professionals to better support victims of this unique trauma.
Victims of romance fraud, sextortion, pig butchering, and other cybercrimes are counting on you. Your leadership and actions can change the course of their recovery.
Speaking to Victims: Love, Warmth, and Understanding
If I were standing in front of you, I’d say: You don’t need all the answers—not even now. Just keep moving forward, one step at a time. There is strength in every moment you choose to continue, even when the way feels uncertain.
Acknowledge your small victories—the days you got out of bed, the times you reached out, the moments you were kind to others, even with a broken heart. These are not small. They show your resilience, finding a way through when everything feels unclear.
I know how terrifying it is to report or go public. It exposes you to judgment, criticism, and misunderstanding. I’ve faced both appreciation and cruelty in sharing my story. And yes, it hurts because I’m human, and it can be retraumatizing. But when that happens, I think of the compassion I’ve received—the times I’ve made a difference to victims and professionals alike. Our stories bring a human perspective to a horrific reality.
This isn’t about blaming yourself. It’s about understanding how someone exploited your trust, broke your defenses, and manipulated you. It’s about learning to protect yourself moving forward because those who target us may try again. We must build stronger defenses now.
Healing from this fraud is reclaiming your strength, learning from your experience, and arming yourself with knowledge. It’s not about perfection; it’s about persistence and standing firm, even when it feels impossible.
So, don’t be afraid to ask for help, share your truth, and connect with others who understand. Every step you take—no matter how small—adds to a movement for change. Your voice matters, and you are a vital part of that movement.
A Strong, Motivating Closing:
Survivors of romance fraud, sextortion, pig butchering, and other cybercrimes are not looking for pity—they’re looking for partners in their fight for justice. Every professional reading this has the power to make that fight a little easier. Let’s use our influence, our tools, and, yes, our magic wands to create a world where victims are supported, criminals are held accountable, and fraudsters are left with nowhere to hide.
Together, we can transform this shared challenge into a shared triumph, proving that when society stands united, no crime can go unanswered, no victim unheard, and no injustice tolerated. Let’s keep pushing forward—because victims everywhere are counting on us.
About the Author:
Debbie Fox is a victim, advocate, author, and the founder of FLOW With Debbie Fox LLC, an inspiration lifestyle brand dedicated to empowering individuals through meaningful connections, personal growth, and impactful content. Debbie brings her unique perspective as both a victim of romance fraud and a professional adept in empathy mapping and event design for global brands.
To learn more about her work or connect directly, please visit flowwithdebbiefox.com or reach out via email at info@flowwithdebbiefox.com.
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